Outside The Line

The Spark Of (Bleep)in' Change

For those readers out there who are not NBA fans and don't quite understand the relevance of the 'Sheed Award, take a look at this (via Need4Sheed). From a recent post-match interview with Rasheed Wallace, regarding the officiating and the recent prevalence of soccer-style "flopping" in basketball games:




For those who like their bleeps spelled out, here's the transcript, as it appeared in most news releases:

All that bull[bleep]-ass calls they had out there. With Mike [Callahan] and Kenny [Mauer] -- you've all seen that [bleep]," Wallace said. "You saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they're calling that [bleep]. That [bleep] ain't basketball out there. It's all [bleep] entertainment. You all should know that [bleep]. It's all [bleep] entertainment.

Wallace was fined $25,000 by the NBA for his "outburst."

That very same day, however, the league also announced that they would begin to penalise flopping from the start of next season, first with fines and maybe even suspensions for serial offenders. See? Without the 'Sheeds of this world, how would we ever move forward?

An Unexpected 'Sheed

Its namesake may currently be battling Boston's Kevin Garnett in the Eastern Conference Finals for the title of "Most Intense, Inspirational, and Flawed Floor Leader" in the NBA, but at least the good old 'Sheed Award is back!

For those who don't know, the 'Sheed Award goes to anyone in the cricket world who, like Rasheed Wallace in the NBA, manages to go beyond the usual sporting cliches and manages to tell the world truths: uncomfortable truths, unacknowledged truths, interesting truths.

Today's honoree is actually a bit of a surprise. We tend to rag on him a bit (okay, a lot) but sometimes we just have to give Ian Chappell his due. When asked about the whole Baggy Green nonsense in a tour match in Jamaica, Chappelli tells it like it is:

"It is a $5 bit of cloth. I haven't got one, haven't had one since the day I finished. I don't need to look at an Australian cap to remind me of what I did."

Right on, sista! Another worthy winner. Congratulations on your award.

Going Meta-Meta On Yo' Ass

The one-year anniversary fest continues, and with it comes a new award. The Rasheed Wallace Award (for best, coolest, and most original, but who for some reason occasionally disappears from the action for extended periods of time) goes to... well... the 'Sheed Award. For those who don't remember, the 'Sheed Award was supposed to be a special commemoration given out to anyone in the cricket world (player, commentator, coach) who emulated the great Rasheed Wallace, of NBA fame, and told the truth for once. Anyone who was asked a question and, for once, answered openly and without pretense. None of the usual sportsman bullshit -- not the vague, Tony Robbins victory babble, nor the "We need to work tighten the screws" vacuities of the dumb and mediocre.

The inaugural winner of the 'Sheed Award was Marvan Atapattu, who dubbed the Sri Lankan selectors "muppets" in the middle of the tour of Australia in November. That original blog post handing him the 'Sheed was also probably the consensus favourite for post of the year from the Outside The Line editorial board.

Unfortunately, we haven't seen any more winners of 'Sheed Awards, not because there have been no inflammatory statements in the few months since then (the whole Harbhajan/Symonds/Hayden fracas definitely attracted headlines), but because none of those statements have been released for any motive that wasn't self-serving. That is not the spirit of the 'Sheed. Its purpose is to commemorate, quite simply, the art of keeping it real. No macho posturing crap.

(Note:- Just quickly... that entire incident with Harbhajan was simply a bitch fight of the worst kind, from start to finish -- no light, no heat -- and I wanted nothing to do with it, which is why I didn't comment on it at the time. A century ago, the whole matter would've been resolved with a quick five-minute punch-up by the locker rooms, after stumps, on the first day of the series. In 2008, it gets dragged out for weeks in the tabloids, and then fizzles away into nothing. Cricket needs a real fight soon... what kind of hyper-docile, sedated society do we want to live in that we can't a few athletes smacking the gob out of each other every once in a while? Seriously, how cool would it be to have a highlights reel like this one below, only for cricket?)

Anyway, that whole "no self-serving motives" rule should probably discount Ray Jennings from eligibility for a 'Sheed Award. But since he's at least aiming his ire at Graeme Smith, that worthiest of targets, we'll give him a pass.this once. So congratulations Ray Jennings!! For saying what needed to be said, you are awarded a prestigious 'Sheed! Enjoy your glory.

The Gatting Ball Of The Post-Retirement Interview Response

Some people may wonder whether Shane Warne is indeed the best spinner in history. After this interview with the Daily Telegraph, their skepticism must abate. Just watch the way he spins this question about Brad Hogg into an answer about his own greatness:

Is Brad Hogg the man to fill the spinner's role for Australia this summer?

India play the spinners extremely well but in Australia the pitches are different, there is a lot of extra bounce, and he (Hogg) can still have an impact. I think Hoggy will do well. They played me pretty well on the whole, but I still had success against them.

In the same interview, he also claims that the 50-over game is finished. I was about to hand Warnie a 'Sheed Award for that statement -- a statement that I thoroughly agree with, incidentally -- until I read further and I realised that all he was saying was that 50-over games should be replaced by 40-over games. So nothing really changes except for ten overs in the one-day game? To paraphrase the Soup Nazi: "No 'Sheed for you, Shane!"

The Glitz And Glamour Of The 'Sheeds

             
         

'Sheed as in Rasheed Wallace, the NBA power forward. After helping his team, the Detroit Pistons, win the championship in 2003, Wallace was asked what he would say to President George W. Bush when visiting the White House to be congratulated. Wallace responded, "I don't have (shit) to say to him. I didn't vote for him. It's just something we have to do."

I always wished cricket had a few more guys like 'Sheed. Hotheaded talents who shoot their mouths, speak the truth, don't care about consequences, but are still too gifted for any team to risk antagonising or dropping. Next to guys like Wallace and Allen Iverson, even headcases like Andre Nel and Sreesanth are made to look like little castrato choir boys. In cricket, everything runs according to script, and those who flub their lines are immediately disciplined. The extremes we get are either irrelevant grey-beards, like Bishan Bedi, devoting their lives to self-justifying libel campaigns; or goofy foot-in-the-mouth types, like Dean Jones, inadvertently unleashing Id droppings right in the middle of the commentary box.

That's why, I am hereby starting a new feature, the 'Sheed Award, given out to any cricketer who manages to provide us with something more than the corporate stooge platitudes and weightless jocko catchphrases that we're sadly grown accustomed to from interviews and press conference, and instead gives us something true and meaningful and honest. The inaugural winner of the Award should not be too hard to guess: it's Marvan Atapattu, after last week's "muppets" comment regarding the Sri Lankan selectors. As you can imagine, I was ecstatic after hearing about Atapattu's outburst.

First of all, because it came out of nowhere. It happened in the middle of a Test, for no particular reason, following no specific provocation. Second, because the accusations he was making were most probably true. The Sri Lankan selectors have always been rather conservative and inert, and they have definitely made a few strange choices recently. (I'm not sure how much they influenced the decision not to include Lasith Malinga in the eleven for the first Test, but it was an astoundingly poor choice either way. No matter what his form may be, you don't take out Mr. 4-in-4-with-Valderrama-streaks for a medium-pacer. You just don't.)

Thirdly, and most importantly, because of who it came from. I always pictured Marvan Atapattu as a calm, docile man; humble; reserved. He seemed like a hard worker; like a family man. With a kind wife. And a pair of girls. And a dog. His old pictures suggest this, as well as portraying him as somewhat of a worrier; an introspective thinker, overcoming inner doubt through discipline and diligence.

Now, he's looking like a bad-ass. A total character re-invention. Take a look at the photo below.

                                                                                         

Doesn't he seem like some kind of intense mind-over-matter guru, with a low pulse and an eagle-stare? An expert in four different kinds of martial arts (one of those still illegal in most countries), sleeping on bamboo mats and eating raw egg milkshakes for breakfast? I hope he gets a massive double-hundred in the next Test (it would be his seventh), and I hope the muppets are forced to keep him in the team against their wills, and I hope he keeps the new persona up so I can keep handing him more of these Awards.

(And if the photo wasn't enough proof of his cred, how about the fact that his middle name is Samson?)