Outside The Line

Bullshit of Biblical Proportions

                                                

And Malcolm called unto all Test-playing nations, and said unto them: Hear, O World Powers, the statutes and the ordinances which I speak in your ears this day, that ye may learn them, and observe to do them. The ICC lords made a covenant with us in London. They made this covenant not with our fathers, but with us, even us, who are all of us here alive today.

And in this covenant they declared unto us the word. And so it was that, out of the midst of the fire, atop the mount, for all to behold and cast their gaze, here, the immutable, the true... the word... The 'Future Tours Programme.' -- (Deut. 2006-2012)

Is anyone else sick as shit of this stupid FTP yet? Any gripe, new development, or even potential query about the state of cricket at the moment is just shut down, immediately, without so much as word of argument, simply by pointing a finger at the ultimate, sacrosanct Future Tours Programme. (It's a damn itinerary, for god's sake -- just change it if you have to.)

You mean to tell me we'll just jam-pack the cricketing schedule like a Mexican subway compartment -- giving the players about 72 hours to travel, rest and meet their future IPL teammates -- just so the sanctity of Bangladesh's scheduled tour of the West Indies in 2011 is not compromised? Are you kidding me? How have the players not revolted against this yet?

Here's just one illustration of this lunacy:

Meanwhile, India will tour Bangladesh in June for a one-day tri-series also featuring Pakistan, N Srinivasan, the BCCI treasurer, confirmed. The team will then head for Asia Cup in Pakistan before flying out to Sri Lanka in mid-July for three Tests and five one-day internationals.

So India will basically play... a bunch of ODIs against Bangladesh and Pakistan, after which they'll play... another bunch of ODIs in a tournament against... those exact same teams!! (Plus, Sri Lanka)!! And after that, for those who didn't quite get a strong enough Lankan fix... yet another batch of ODIs against Sri Lanka. Are the organisers actively trying to make us hate cricket? I don't get it.
 

It Makes The World Go 'Round, But Not Cricket

Even though they were overlooked almost to the point of obscurity when they occurred, the ICC actually held its annual Player Award ceremony a few weeks ago. Predictably, no one gave a shit at the time. (I remember, on the day, vaguely spotting the headline, and then seeing Ponting's name in it, and then losing complete interest from that point and moving on to something else.)

Don't ask me why or how, but today I found myself on the Wikipedia entry for "ICC Awards," looking through the names of past winners (well, there's not much to look through, only four ceremonies -- cricket is so conservative, it only started hosting award shows three years into the 21st Century.) Glancing through the names, it's no wonder people don't care about these awards -- apart from being under-publicised and poorly-timed, they're just flat-out wrong.

To wit: the Awards have been given for four years now. Every year, the four main categories in contention are Player of the Year, Test Player of the Year, ODI Player of the Year, and Emerging Player of the Year. Out of those sixteen trophies that have been handed out since 2004, only one of them has gone to a bowler (Shaun Tait, Emerging Player, 2007). A few have been handed out to allrounders (e.g. Flintoff, Kallis), but this always occurs in years when they post their greatest career batting performances. If you're a modern bowler, you can't help but be left wondering, "Where's the love?"

And if you think maybe no bowlers had particularly outstanding years in the period -- something which is indeed possible, if slightly implausible by this point, four years in -- check this: in 2006, Muttiah Muralitharan racked up 90 wickets in 11 Test matches. At one point he went through a patch of 6 Tests, against 3 different nations, where he got 60 wickets. That's right: 10 wickets/match for SIX (!!) consecutive Tests.

A much more proportional, and rational, view is that of the Wisden Almanack, which started handing out Leading Cricketer In The World awards, also since 2004. The winner in 2006 was Muralitharan. In 2004, it was Shane Warne. The accompanying essay to commemorate Murali's win, by Simon Barnes, also happens to be one of the best and most convincing I've seen I've seen lauding the little sorcerer's magic.

And while we're at it:

A Survivor's Tale

An interesting article by Ian S Mohan, a World Cup volunteer, about his experiences working at Queen's Park Oval in Trinidad during the group stage. He details many of the bullshit regulations and restrictions the ICC imposed for the tournament that only served to rob the venues of their local flavour.

We went to two of those games in Port of Spain, and as overblown and Draconian as the rules seemed to us -- a pair of wallets on holiday whose primary concerns were avoiding sunstroke and finding a quiet spot for a quick joint between innings -- I can only imagine how it all must have felt to the locals who dedicated their time at the venues, out of nothing but national pride and a love of cricket. You could see the frustration in their eyes -- they wanted to help, they felt bad about not being able to help, but all they could muster was the helpless look of those whose better judgements are overriden by their need to keep the job.

Regarding the ICC, Mohan writes:

They don't care about the people who keep cricket alive: us. Thousands of real cricket fans stayed away - they said they had self respect and pride and would not pay money to be treated this way. I now understand their view and feel that I compromised my self respect to be part of the tournament. We were told how to talk, how to smile, how to welcome the tourists, how to speak. We had a handbook to learn from.

 

Has light aided fertilisation?

So did the ICC change its policy towards YouTube, or are they so incompetent and
marred by mediocrity that they couldn't even police a few highlights clips adequately? There are a bunch of videos now up on YouTube for great moments like Malinga's 4-in-4 and Gibbs' 6x6. Maybe the honchos saw the light. Late and without announcement, to be sure, but at least there's light.

There's also a clip available of one of the most memorable pieces of wicketkeeping in recent memory: Kumar Sangakkara's stumping of Brian Lara.

Here's what cricinfo say:

10.1	Vaas to Lara, OUT, Lara falls! That's some quick work by Sangakkara, Lara dragging his back foot forward and his foot is in the air. The third umpire needed more than a second eye for that one, but he was clearly out, and Lara's on his way. Tidy work indeed from the keeper, standing up to Vaas. Boos ring out around the ground at that decision, but you can't argue with it BC Lara st Sangakkara b Vaas 2 (9m 4b 0x4 0x6) SR: 50.00

Think about it for a second -- this is Sangakkara standing up to a pace bowler who swings the ball. Lara's foot was in the air for only a fraction of a second as he leaned into the shot. In that fraction of a second, Sangakkara somehow managed to catch the ball cleanly and whip the bails off, as the momentum of the 78 mph delivery pushed his body backwards. (Should I even mention that this was the opposition's captain and best batter at the crease?)

We Was Robbed

Another YouTube moment robbed from the fans. This is now the best form we have to enjoy a classic passage of World Cup play. Thanks, ICC.

44.5	Malinga to Pollock, OUT, BINGO! Finally Malinga strikes, that is a superb bit of bowling. It's a slower ball on the stumps, Pollock just does not pick it, plays inside the line of the ball and loses his leg stump. Even with the game all but gone Sri Lanka are fighting. Pollock played a good hand but now he's gone!
	SM Pollock b Malinga 13 (23m 24b 1x4 0x6) SR: 54.16
44.6	Malinga to Hall, OUT, ANOTHER! Andrew Hall goes off the very first ball! It's another speared-in yorker, Hall just about manages to dig it out, but he can't keep the ball down ... it bobs up into the air for the man at cover to pouch easily! Is there a twise left in this game
	AJ Hall c Tharanga b Malinga 0 (2m 1b 0x4 0x6) SR: 0.00

Malinga on a hat-trick. What a funny little game this has been.
46.1	Malinga to Kallis, OUT, Would you believe it? Malinga has got the hat-trick! Full, furious, outside off stump, Kallis goes for a square-drive and nicks it behind. Loud appeal. Kallis stays rooted. Even louder appeal and Harper raises the fatal finger. SA eight down and choking real badly.
	JH Kallis c Sangakkara b Malinga 86 (187m 110b 4x4 0x6) SR: 78.18
46.2	Malinga to Ntini, OUT, And then they were one! Malinga gets four in four. Unbelievable! Screaming yorker and Ntini drives, plays all over it and ball crashes into the middle stump. Malinga is slinging down magic deliveries and SA are nine down.
	M Ntini b Malinga 0 (2m 1b 0x4 0x6) SR: 0.00

It Might Soon Need Its Own Domain

We've now had to create a blog category just for this kind of bullshit. We're calling it Pure Manure (ICC Gems), and we expect it to be filled very quickly. The very idea of treating video highlights on the internet as a potential copyright problem, rather than a brilliant, cheap, no-effort way of promoting the games across the digital world shows just how reactionary and backward the ICC still is. How hard can it be to put up short highlight reels of every World Cup match, or special moments like Gibbs' 6x6, on their website, or on cricinfo.