The Glitz And Glamour Of The 'Sheeds

             
         

'Sheed as in Rasheed Wallace, the NBA power forward. After helping his team, the Detroit Pistons, win the championship in 2003, Wallace was asked what he would say to President George W. Bush when visiting the White House to be congratulated. Wallace responded, "I don't have (shit) to say to him. I didn't vote for him. It's just something we have to do."

I always wished cricket had a few more guys like 'Sheed. Hotheaded talents who shoot their mouths, speak the truth, don't care about consequences, but are still too gifted for any team to risk antagonising or dropping. Next to guys like Wallace and Allen Iverson, even headcases like Andre Nel and Sreesanth are made to look like little castrato choir boys. In cricket, everything runs according to script, and those who flub their lines are immediately disciplined. The extremes we get are either irrelevant grey-beards, like Bishan Bedi, devoting their lives to self-justifying libel campaigns; or goofy foot-in-the-mouth types, like Dean Jones, inadvertently unleashing Id droppings right in the middle of the commentary box.

That's why, I am hereby starting a new feature, the 'Sheed Award, given out to any cricketer who manages to provide us with something more than the corporate stooge platitudes and weightless jocko catchphrases that we're sadly grown accustomed to from interviews and press conference, and instead gives us something true and meaningful and honest. The inaugural winner of the Award should not be too hard to guess: it's Marvan Atapattu, after last week's "muppets" comment regarding the Sri Lankan selectors. As you can imagine, I was ecstatic after hearing about Atapattu's outburst.

First of all, because it came out of nowhere. It happened in the middle of a Test, for no particular reason, following no specific provocation. Second, because the accusations he was making were most probably true. The Sri Lankan selectors have always been rather conservative and inert, and they have definitely made a few strange choices recently. (I'm not sure how much they influenced the decision not to include Lasith Malinga in the eleven for the first Test, but it was an astoundingly poor choice either way. No matter what his form may be, you don't take out Mr. 4-in-4-with-Valderrama-streaks for a medium-pacer. You just don't.)

Thirdly, and most importantly, because of who it came from. I always pictured Marvan Atapattu as a calm, docile man; humble; reserved. He seemed like a hard worker; like a family man. With a kind wife. And a pair of girls. And a dog. His old pictures suggest this, as well as portraying him as somewhat of a worrier; an introspective thinker, overcoming inner doubt through discipline and diligence.

Now, he's looking like a bad-ass. A total character re-invention. Take a look at the photo below.

                                                                                         

Doesn't he seem like some kind of intense mind-over-matter guru, with a low pulse and an eagle-stare? An expert in four different kinds of martial arts (one of those still illegal in most countries), sleeping on bamboo mats and eating raw egg milkshakes for breakfast? I hope he gets a massive double-hundred in the next Test (it would be his seventh), and I hope the muppets are forced to keep him in the team against their wills, and I hope he keeps the new persona up so I can keep handing him more of these Awards.

(And if the photo wasn't enough proof of his cred, how about the fact that his middle name is Samson?)

Comments

[Brentmeister General]

Perfect. Cricket really is in need of a 'sheed and atapattu definately deserves the first award. let's just hope there is enough activity to make the award weekly.
any thoughts on buchanan's latest comments about taking young australians away to make the teams more even and turn national teams into franchises?
i say we just turn the up and coming IPL into that franchise system and ditch internationals altogether except for biannual world cups and test tourneys.

[Joseph Rinella]

Yeah, i got a whole lot of respect for my main man Marvan after that quote. To be honest, i don't think that the Sri lankans are the only rubbish committee in the international scene. That'd make an interesting post. Rank each country's selectors by their track record.

As for the Sheed awards, i'm with you in there being a bigtime lack in real nigga-ism if you will. Could be a limited group to choose from. You'd have to put Inzi and Ranatunga up there, for the walk-offs, if nothing else. Klusener'd be in the running too, with his general aversion to the media and his own team (can't blame him really, it was just him and Ntini keeping it ultra real there for a while). I guess a bunch of Zimbabweans'd stake a claim too...

[Joseph Rinella]

Brentmeister General, about Buchanan's comments, I think he's going down the wrong track with a good idea. Gots to have the franchises, but not as international teams. How does that make any sense?? What about when you want to play world cups? An Indian hitting the winning runs for Australia against India in the final? Chaos.

So we do it the IPL way, and see how that goes. I'm sure the muppets'll take an eternity to figure it out, but i'm glad that it's at least finally happening. We'll have a real competition soon! And, with it being in India, it'll be an actual event worth caring about! Can't wait to pick my team...

[Brentmeister General]

Totally agree rinella, we can't have international franchises. it just wouldn't work. and noone will accept it. As for the IPL, i think it should be a touring league. So each season is set out in different countries to a) provide the best cricket competition to the world b) allow players to play in their home countries to keep them all happy. It could work as the world is so used to watching sport on television now that a lot of money could be put into the tourneys and create a wider audience.
As for the sheed awards, surely Imran Kahn is coming into contention for opposing the government, loike it.

[Joseph Rinella]

Yeah, Khan is a good one. But I think we have to limit it to current players, cause it's far too easy to be a renegade when you're free from being disciplined- although Khan isn't really free at the moment...